‘InfidelsAreUs’ has lost its relevance.

Those who have recently stumbled across my ad-hoc pieces won’t be familiar with this tag-line. During the summer of 2014, I met a British Pakistani female activist via twitter and we immediately hit it off, to the point where when she stressed the need for me to publicise my pent-up experiences and opinions; I relented.

I remember wracking my brain, trying to come up with a blog site name – until it hit me: InfidelsAreUs. Some have pointed out the hilarity in the name, likening it ToysAreUs , but a toy shop didn’t provide inspiration behind the name. Its ontology arose from pure defiance. As it transpires, ex-Muslims aren’t the only ones referred to as ‘infidels’, nor do the connitations and semantics that come with the smear, stop with those who renounce the Islamic ideology. The children of Apostates are dragged into this.

Bizarrely though, I’ve never been ashamed of the term. No, I’ve never believed myself to be that infidel but looking back, I suppose there’s a certain resilience, in tandem with a numbness after becoming accustomed to the term. Throw into the mix my wicked sense of humour – intensifying through the years for sanity purposes – and InfidelsAreUs sprung to mind. We were either babies or born into this situation and had never known Islam doctrinally. I’d watched those with a literal interpretation of their ideology refer to us as infidels, whilst drug dealing, grooming, looting, lying, wife-beating, inciting violence – then heading to their local Mosques on a Friday to prostrate before their God. The Saturday – Thursday Muslims, where everything and anything was permissible so long as they showed face on a Friday afternoon. I saw the blatant hypocrisy amongst these men in communities believing themselves to be culturally and religiously superior, conveniently ignoring every heathen practise on days where it happened not to count.

‘And you call us infidels? ‘ Was a common question churning in my brain, until the levelled smears against us became a source of disbelief and amusement to me. InfidelsAreUs became my way of usurping this superiority complex and using it for my own means, rejecting the system of dhimmitude coerced upon us and diminshing the sickening term.

I was 20 then. I’m not far off 25 now. The tagline no longer fits.

I’ve really come into my own this past year. I’d been fairly domesticated and obedient the vast majority of my life, until God called me to China. I battled, internally tussled with going and my own faith was challenged, plunging me to a place of deep desperation. As I cultivated my own personal relationship with God, I realised that the inner rebel which has always existed but always been supressed , was to be utilised in my decision to move away from home.

See, I’d fallen into that convoluted, confusing religious/cultural trap and become unfeeling and procedural:

I have always been, therefore I am.

I know no different, there is nothing else.

Most people I love are, therefore I am loyal.

There is no need to question, this is my comfort zone.

Since 2017, I’ve fought, struggled, argued, questioned. Almost gave up.

Yet the drawing away process had begun and I became increasingly convinced I was being led to China, which came with worries, concerns and doubts of its own. I’ve been called to be different, set apart from those closest to me. How do you explain something you can’t understand?

I had the privilege of hearing Sally Clarkson relay her testimony at a Ladies’ Breakfast . I had already committed to going to China and the legal procedures were almost finalised but I was still aching over the decision, until one specific sentence pierced my heart: ‘I promised God I would do anything, I would go anywhere. I just want to be Your girl’.’

Her words ricocheted in my ears. I had always worked so hard to suppress what was seen as wrong with me: the nomad who wants to explore as much of the world as is humanly and financially possible – perceived as reckless gallivanting, that sense of adventure and needing to feel liberated – perceived as a rebellious spirit; when all along I had been deliberately carved out this way to transcend cultural, familial and religious norms and expectations.

Radical within reason seems a better fit.

*Please note that I no longer use https://infidelsareus.com/